This Is The Dream

When i was 15 i thought i could change the world. Maybe even cure cancer. I know what you're thinking.. This girl is crazy! ( You're maybe right.. Ha!) Yeah i didn't know what i was thinking and i probably needed a reality check, but nevertheless it was kind of a dream. I didn't know how i was going to change it, i just knew that i was going to. Period. Then, I turned 19 and reality started to sink in. I realized that changing the world isn't as easy. Changing people's lives isn't as easy. It's almost close to impossible (but also not.. You know what i mean. :P). So here i am. 19 years old and don't know what the heck i'm gonna do with my life. I also just finished my first year in college and am majoring in literature.

Want to know what people's first remarks are when i tell them that? All they do is nod their heads and proceed to ask me "What will you do with that in the future?" Hold up. The future? Come on. i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow and you want me to tell you what i'm gonna do in the future? Honestly, because literature is a "different" degree then what they would usually go into they are afraid of it. It's unusual.

Oh what? Just because i didn't decide to go into marketing or the sciences does not mean that i will not be "successful" in the future. No. (Not bashing on the sciences or business majors out there. The world needs you too) You never know what the future holds. It's society's fault honestly. Im not saying money is a bad thing.. I mean we need money to survive of course, but money isn't the only thing that i want to achieve in life. I want to do more. Might sound cheesy but i do believe that there is so much more to life then the amount of cash that sits in my bank account.

However, there are nights that go sleepless because i worry about the choices i made leading up to this point in my life. Do i really think that majoring in literature will benefit me in the long run? Will i have a stable career in the future? The what ifs start to sink in and my anxiety starts spiraling out of control. Am i crazy to think that i can actually do this? That I can prove everyone wrong? Am i hyping this up in my head?

And then i remind myself that i should do this because i believe that the arts are important. I believe that storytelling and poetry can change lives. I believe that i will achieve this because when i saw my literature teacher last week she asked me if i was still taking literature because 25% of the literature students from last semester dropped out of the program. Yup.. Still here and I'm not going anywhere. I believe I will get there because whenever i sit in one of my literature classes i'm actually excited to learn.

I found something i'm passionate about and yes i might not know exactly what i'm gonna do with it, or where it's going to lead me in the future, but i kinda wanna stick around to see where this goes. I wanna see what happens. I have a feeling in my bones that i am meant to do this. Because even thought i don't know what my dream is exactly i still believe in it. There's a voice inside urging me to "Never stop.. Keep going. Something good is going to come out of this."  I'm gonna trust the process.